the beginning of my Czech adventure started HERE
I woke up this morning in my giant room at the Czech brewery and beer spa, Chodovar. A single room was only $65 a night. Mine had three beds in it and a view of the church across the street. After I showered in the bathtub by holding the detachable shower thingy over my head, I went down to breakfast.

Breakfast is always included in European hotels, but it's usually crazy shit you'd never usually eat. It'll be like huge tomatoes cut in half, a bunch of soft boiled eggs, SUPER fatty meats, weird sliced cheeses, granola that Americans MAY have eaten for breakfast in the 80's before we knew what carbs were, and usually some totally nasty sausages. Personally, I love to explore the things that come in little tins and tubes at European breakfast buffets. You can never read what they say, and you just open them up. Sometimes there's like some jam or hazelnutty chocolatty stuff, or like chicken liver paste. There is also usually bizarre juices that are not at all normal to an American palette. Coffee can also be a challenge. Each country seems to have their own interpretation of what coffee is/means. I only had one cup of coffee that wasn't absolutely shitty in the Czech Republic, and it was an expresso I got at an Italian cafe. Czech's apparently prefer a shot of expresso watered down with a huge cup of hot water. Nasty. Chodovar was not an exception. After a bunch of watery scrambled eggs and chicken liver paste on bread, I headed down to the first spa treatment I booked for the weekend.

In the basement, Choidovar has this spa that is all barrel vaulted brick ceilings. It's really beautiful. I was led into a room with frosted glass and told to strip down and lay down on the massage table. My "massage therapist" put on some Enya and came back. I should say that almost nobody in the Czech Republic speaks English. This woman also had about zero skills with signing what she wanted me to do either. It was totally confusing. Chodovar is right on the border of Germany, so most of the staff spoke better German than I do, but the spa staff didn't speak any Engli. This woman also gave the kind of massage you get from your girlfriend when she's really tired, but like everything else in the Czech Republic, it was dirt cheap. The really odd part though, was that she spent a lot of time massaging my ass. I'm not complaining, it felt amazing, but I never really had a professional masseuse massage my ass, especially not for like 10 minutes. Maybe she liked my tattoo?

After my massage, I took a beer bath. At Chodovar, they have these giant metal bathtubs that they fill up with beer, hops, yeast, and water. Once you get settled in, they bring you a giant glass of beer, and you just relax and enjoy yourself. It was a pretty cool experience. Lots of fun. It's something I'd love to replicate in the US. You sit in the tub for 20 minutes, and then they take you into this dark room, wrap you up in blanks, and pour you another beer. I was in the room with a couple who were a bit tipsy and giggling the whole time. The Czechs (at least in spas) are a lot more open with nudity than Americans. Again, not complaining, more of a warning to those of you who are more self-conscious.

After 20 minutes in the dim lit cave room, I was fully relaxed, so I went up to my room, washed off all the massage oil... That's another thing, they use a CRAZY amount of massage oil there. I mean, like she wiped me down with a towel after my massage and I was still covered. Anyway... I showered, changed and then I got in my rental car and drove off to PIlsen to tour Pilsner Urquell.

read about my tour of Pilsner Urquell HERE